Tuesday

i finally got to meet a great lady who contacted me a few weeks ago. she wants me to make her a costume for the mermaid parade on coney island. her and her fiancée are filming a tv series where they travel the world in search of oddities & general historical mysteries. Billy, is an avid collector of rare and bizzare things, like skulls, swords, beautiful walls & walls of butterflies & other insects, taxidermy animals with two heads, shields, weird hair effigies, shrunken heads ~ (i heard he's got the largest collection in the world.) there is an elevator that opens directly into their marvelously luxurious marble & wood home. display cases everywhere... every inch of their massive place ornated with treasures from every corner of the world.

i had to remember to breathe.

jessica, the lovely lady is a pole dancing instructor. super friendly, she offered me a drink " i have literally anything you want". i asked for water.

descending down their spiral stairwell, i caught glimpses of old paintings, masks... an 18th century horse-drawn hearse that had been converted into a massive fish tank cabinet. in the least glamorous room of the house, held terrifying old torture devices. chains, iron chairs with spikes, a real CHASTITY BELT ( i always thought they were urban myths told to young girls to frighten them into abstinence and anti-masturbation). jessica unsheathed a brute brozen-y sword without a sharp tip at the end... instead, the tip was flat ... like the edges of a rounded envelope. she told me that it was used to de-head people. it was stained with ancient blood.

a skeleton bound to a limb stretching device. gigantic wheels on the wall used to bludgeon people's joints to death.

after becoming surprisingly acclimatized to the morbid content of the room, i became curious of the huge white freezer door tucked in the corner. human sausages perhaps? it could have been anything. and it was this :

it's a mark prent sculpture. i think it's a self portrait. apparently, it's got his real pubes. this thing is more terrifying than any picture you could find on the www. for real.

jessica showed me around the rest of the abode. two dancing poles in their place, large bathroom & closet. she has the bob mackie dress that sharon stone wore in casino ...

okay so the point is, i'm going to make this crazy golden mermaid queen costume for this super lady, with real sea shells , sequins, tule, etc ... for the mermaid parade on coney island for a television show (this segment where they go to NYC is side plot for the actual episode, fyi). in exchange, i've asked jessica to give me some pole dancing lessons. (sessions are 90$/hr for an individual class !!!) my eyeballs nearly fell out, and i biked home with my jaw dragging on the ground. i still can't believe the range of wealth that exists in our little city of toronto. i just assumed that everyone eats canned beans , solely for their gourment disposition.

ps. sharon stone is a babe , holy cow.

U Lock Holsters

i made these U Lock holsters, from seat belt.

oh hurray

First Dialouge

my parents tell me that "life is short". before i know it, my tired goiters will have exploded and my hair will fall out in dreaded chunks. but my only reference of time is the awareness of my own existence; so far, it feels like forever. does that mean i will carry on to live forever? i know i've got like 6 or 7 years AT LEAST left.

either way, i decided to start my 230853098th web log. i would like to record the events in my life that i find hilarious, weird or unusual; according to my blue-collar, drudging standards.


So i guess i'll begin from last saturday.


my bike gangs ladies & angela mcQueen (such a noble name), came together and biked to the east end of the city, to the Centre of Gravity. it was in celebration of navid's 39th birthday. unfortunately, we missed the bike porn screening. : ( sad. i was in one of the films (not an X rated one,) ~ my pal johnny had made a doc about marrying his bicycle. at the time we filmed, i had just returned from san francisco~ where i had decided to leave my voice, deep in the bowels of an alcohol soaked monster of a night. so i must have sounded like an 80year olde smoker (which is either sexy, or callous depending on your inclination).
anyways, this party was a bike porn / bdsm type of deal. there were ropes hanging from the ceiling, to which volunteers would be bound to, and left dangling. there were gold sprints ( 500m sprints on stationary, fixed gear bicycles). My pal emily kicked my ass so bad. i think by 4 seconds or something (which is my BAD).

here is a picture of bobby, kirsten & i at the party :




kirsten is a total hot babe. bobby is also a total hot babe, so don't mind my protruding boner.

prior to the party, i made some floggers out of old bike tubes in the subway (coming from a roller derby game at downsview ~ FUN). here is a picture of them:





i made one for navid, but the other one went missing. we are all worried that it is hiding somewhere in meaghan's dad's fancy condo. i think it would be funny if mr. orlinski found a flogger lying around. but i only find it funny because i'm not meaghan or mr. orlinski.

the party was fun. lots of bike people, a girl in a short tutu handing out free joints. a few of us biked to jesse's place where i passed out ASAP. woke up the next day to cat & jesse's sunday funday in full force.

so let me explain sunday funday...

cat & jesse enjoy their sundays with at least a 2-4 of beer, whiskey, sometimes other intoxicants, and a huge pot roast or something delicious that cat makes. simply saying, sunday rules.

i hung out with cat & jesse (who didn't sleep on friday at all, and KO'd pretty hard on saturday evening). we made an attempt to watch 300 to wuTang playing in the background, while pounding the pbrs in our faceholes.

then lauren called and asked if we wanted to go to the junos. WELL YEA. lauren works at the ACC and gets free tickets once in a while. cat & jesse were passed out, so i took puppies, mark & aubrey.

here's a picture of mark & i with a lady who brought a dead beaver to the ACC.

going to the junos at the ACC was like walking through a foreign dimension. So many teenage girls, makeup, tight tight pants, sleezy old business men with plastic girlfriends, 12$ beers, etc. i tried to get as stoned as possible.

my other room mate kelly, called me that evening to inform me that the band she had just watched at sneaky dee's needed a place to crash. cool, i am always down for that....err even on a sunday. i came home to 10? ish people from portland oregon. their band is called, larry & his flask. they were really cool lumber-jack type doods who were heading out to thunder bay the next day (jeeeeze). in the morning, kelly & i made them an epic breakfast and sent them on their way.

i thought i was going to die at work the next day. monday! psshht!

beginning of fashion week. (oyay)

that monday evening, conor took renee, mark & i to a club in the district with a bowling alley in it, where we kind of stood out like regular folk who actually like to dance. i like to drink beers in alleyways, instead of paying 7$+ for a drink and stand around looking bored. but once in a while, invading other societies within the city can provide a sound reality check. i am clearly a dirtbag, but i'm cool wid that.

~p